I try so hard, but everytime I try, I fail. So, what's the point of even trying anymore? Then, I tell myself to give up, but even that, I don't know how to even give up. I want so hard to quit school, but I don't even know how to go about it. I guess, a failure will always be one?



Anyway, I realised that without posts, my tagboard becomes really dead as well.
Recap?

Sunday, was pretty alright. Don't really want to elaborate much though. Church was fine, and tuition was well, undescrible?


Monday, we had speech day rehearsal. Well, our class was one of the first few classes dismissed as it was our early day. We immediately ate lunch and went to the band room. Though we didn't bring up everything immediately, we helped in the end. I'm really sorry, xiangyi. I really should get my piorities right yeah. I've learnt from my mistakes. It won't happen again. We brought up all the stuff. I tried my best not to complain and stuff. But hearing people around me complain about the hardwork at bringing up the instruments really makes me wonder. One Band One Sound. Are we really one band one sound? Just simple tasks like this, and we start to complain like that? I guess, we really need to work more on our attitudes and everything towards band. It isn't an overnight thing where this kind of attitudes can change. However, at the end of everything, when we had to bring the stuff back down, I overheard juniors saying that there's no need to go up so fast, and when they went up slower, the people infront can carry all the heavy stuff, and they could just carry the lighter items back down to the band room. Sometimes, I really wonder why they even bother joining the band. It's like, we're one band, shouldn't we alll help one another to the best of our abilities? I don't know, and I guess I've no rights to critize anyone since I'm not perfect myself.

Tuesday, lessons were pretty alright. I don't know why, but everytime I want to do my chinese homework, it just puts me away. In the end, I end up staring at it, and not get anything done at all. Maybe, just maybe, it's just me. Everyone around me seems to be doing so well, balancing studies and CCA, I don't know anything anymore. I don't understand anything as well. Anyway, after that, we had band. We were supposed to have sectionals and woodwind combines. But, thanks to the school's hectic schedule, there was oral going on again. Thus we weren't supposed to play outside of the band room. I'm glad the band room's sound proof, or else, band will be cancelled, or we'll have to practice at the service road. Mrs Chua took combines, and we went through Danse Diabolique and Stand By Me. I don't know why, but the rhythms in Stand By Me, seems to be more complicated than Danse Diabolique. I guess I have to work on it, with my section as well. There's so much to do, really.

Wednesday, today. Pretty alright so far, it's A Math now, and LTB's trying to get the com on the projector. I bettter start to pay attention now? (: I'll try. But I don't know if I'll fail again. I hope band [speech day rehearsal again!] goes alright today.


Okay, recap

Wednesday, had speech day rehearsal, wasted alot of time sitting there waiting for the other groups to do their stuff, we only played fanfare and school song there?!

Thursday, I was afraid LCP will ban me from doing practical, in the end everything went alright. Even physics, last minute work before the lesson proved to be helpful.

Friday, was alright, racial harmony day. The performance was pretty funny. But lessons after that was :/ Daddy picked me up for lunch with mum and matthew at IMM. We ate at cafe cartel, the food was good yeah. And thanks to me, we had a 30% discount! (:

Saturday, also today. Went for A math consulation, I think I got the hang of modulus now. But, I need the discipline and time to sit down to do the assigments so that, I can hand them up. (:

Tomorrow's sunday (: I can't wait for church and tuition.


Okay, I really need to blog, after not touching the internet for almost two weeks now.

Recap.

Monday, oral was cancelled, and well, lessons went pretty alright, since I can’t really remember what happened. Ohoh, I failed A math test. I think I got the lowest in class. 4 out of 25. I got booked for not HANDING IN E MATH HOMEWORK! Okay, maybe it’s my fault, it was in my daily file all these time, and I just didn’t hand it in.

Tuesday, mock tests were the craziest, never knew how 2 science tests in a row would kill brain cells. Well, the plus point was that, there was absolutely no teacher in the class as well. I guess we just had to do the stuff without any supervision. After that we had band, band fiesta rehearsal again. I set up my instrument for like less than an hour!

Wednesday, no band today, went home with Gracia at around 3plus after finishing up on E maths homework, and well, I still got booked for it [again] anyway, so it doesn’t really make much of a difference. Within 3 days, I got booked by the same teacher twice for no particular reason. He just loves to pick on me. I guess, I’ll just have to accept it, and make the best out of it.

Thursday, had oral with ravi, well it wasn’t exactly the best, but it was pretty good. Also had SPA, I memorized everything and it went pretty well, I got pretty good readings as well. I’m glad everything worked out fine. We had band fiesta rehearsals as well, and since I had oral in the early afternoon, I missed the first part of combines. I missed playing danse diabolique! Really wasted, I wanted to play it. Anyway, we played band fiesta pieces after that. Had to go through HSM also, stood up in front with all the other sec threes. The performance of the band was really messed up and everything. I guess after all the commenting and everything, the band improved.

Friday, early in the morning, I vomited out a pretty substantial amount of blood, it really scared me. I guess maybe it was because of Friday the thirteen. Perhaps. Other than that, everything went pretty alright! I went home with Caryn and twinkle, we ended up eating at KFC, twinkle’s favourite. Well, it was a new, refreshing experience to be eating with caryn and twinkle. Zinger burgers and cheese fries [with chilli]! I guess it was a change in eating habits for me.

Saturday, there was band in the morning, well, there was also A math consultation. Went for an hour of band first before heading of for A maths at the library. A maths was great, I finally understand chapter 4. I’m going to go for A math this week as well. I guess, two hours of math tuition on Sunday isn’t quite enough to pass A maths. Band was pretty alright. From the library, I could hear the sound of the band, we sounded really good. I actually thought it was a recording playing. We sounded really amazing, though at a lot times, there were very raw notes. My section was extremely soft as compared to the others. Well, I guess we’ve a lot to work on before the next event.

Sunday, our big day! Started of the morning with church, didn’t really manage to gain much from church. Finally, we didn’t have combined classes. The class was small again! We had only one guy in the class, Jeremy. Poor thing! I left at 11.45 to meet daddy in the church canteen. My dad’s the best, he ferried me to and fro, okay, not just me, my whole section as well. We ate lunch at tiong baru plaza, at the food court because fast food was ruled out. I ate handmade noodles with Mavis. It tasted pretty good for a hungry person like me who skips breakfast. After that, we took neos, it was damn amusing! We were pretty late, rushed down to meet daddy, he fetched us back to school! Thankyou daddy!

Upon reaching school, took a picture with xiangyi, Linda and sweechen in the parade square. (: Went to the toilet with Mavis to get changed into my white blouse and black skirt. I was wearing a pinkish-red shirt with jeans to church before that. We had to go to many toilets before we found the opened one! I can’t believe that school locks up even toilets! Who would steal toilet paper man! After was individual practice, section tuning before combined warm ups and going through. After all of that, had short SL meeting before heading to Botanical Gardens, well, I wore high heels there. And fortunately for me, the ground wasn’t too soft or else I would have died there. I was pretty frustrated for awhile thanks to _____, then, I sang songs and with Mavis’ constant encouragement, I managed to get back on my feet! Solo was pretty screwed up, thanks to my forgetfulness. I totally forgot to put down the mic. End up, my solo was damn nice, but soft (!!!!!!) Anyway, the band playing wasn’t exactly up to standard but I guess with all the pressure and the huge crowd, we did our best! (: Okay, after the performance, we watched the other bands, they were much better, entertaining wise yeah. I guess, we have much to learn from. Soon, it started to rain; we rushed back to shelter to protect our instruments! Everything was chaotic and everything, but the leaders managed to manage the band pretty well considering that it was their first time. Went back to school, dad fetched me home! It was a really pleasant journey to BG. (:

Monday [the day before yesterday], was great! We had SLs cum band leaders meeting then outing. It was a really great trip to Plaza Sing. First was the meeting, then we went out for lunch. Supposedly at pizza hut, but since we had to wait half an hour for pizza, we decided to go to long john silver. It was the best ever. Though Mavis had a clumsy moment, it was pretty alright, we cleared up the mess and fortunately, I brought tissue paper amazingly. (: After that, we shopped around. We went to spotlight and took one thousand pictures! Joan is such a great cam whore! After that was fried mars bars! They were simply heavenly; I guess it was a new experience to have fried mars bars! Went home with Nadia, Joan and Celestine after that, they were wonderful friends and great listeners as well! (:

Tuesday [yesterday], was pretty much alright, lessons as normal. And we took the mock test with our notes and everything! It was okay yeah. Band afterwards was pretty okay, for the Italy trip, not many people are confirmed going. I think that’s pretty sad, because the trip will be a wonderful way to expose us and for us to gain experience from the other players in the other bands! I guess, if it’s really impossible to raise the amount, it can’t be helped; we can share the experience though. (: After that, went home, I accidentally cut my wrist, I don’t know why, but my parents thought I wanted to kill myself. Seriously, I won’t want to die such a horrible death and suffer during the period. It wouldn’t be very advisable! Leaders went for the SYF presentation, I really wished I could go though, I guess I can’t have everything in life. It was a really good concert, and I missed it. Okay, there will be better ones to come I guess. Should I go for NJC etude concert? But it’s so close to common test, I better not, in case I really can’t cope with the homework.

Today’s going to be a very long day and tiring day. Speech day is coming up, and rehearsals are going on.

Good time management is the essence to success! (:


Today was GREAT!!

Started of with church in the morning, we had combined classes yet again. Well, there was staring going on again. Next time we have combined classes, I'll wear sunglasses or something! It's scary to have people staring okay! Anyway, learnt quite abit from church. After that was lunch at Pizza Hut with family followed by tuition.

2 to 4, it was pretty much alright. Michelle didn't have much of a chance to communicate with hedgy this time. Linda came today yeah. Met Mavis at the entrance of tuition, gave her our usual hug. Smsed Mavis over Clarence's phone. 2 to 4 tuition ended pretty quickly. Then 4 to 6 tuition. Went down with Linda to get our food. We decided on macs and chips. (: I bought the fries while Linda got the chips. Then, we went back up. Tuition was alright, apart from staring games. I feel so attractive eh! People everywhere keeps staring at me. (: Went back with Oliver mainly, had to answer quite a number of questions! I tried hard to avoid them. In the end, I gave up, and answered them. Train ride home was pretty much alright, played games on my phone. Okay, now I'm back home! (:

Tomorrow's the start of a new week. A Math test and English Oral. I don't know why, I don't feel prepared at all, but I just don't feel like doing anything about it. I guess I don't have a choice do I? I'll do A Maths holiday homework later so I'll feel more prepared. And I'll read out the questions with perfect english for oral! That's like killing two birds with one stone. I'll practice with questions from the TYS also yeah! Okay, Michellina stop dreaming and start working (!!!!!!!)


Sometimes, I really want to scream it all out.
I need someone to cry it all out too.
I don't want school anymore.
I rather stay in some farm rearing animals.
I need a change in lifestyle.

Sometimes, I really don't know what to do anymore.
It's just so tiring to repeat the same process every morning.
Everyday seems like a bad day.
Life isn't going the way I want it to go.
Life, please change?

My wonderful poem of thoughts. On a lighter note, there's band later!! I don't know why, but I'm looking forward to it. Maybe because, that's the most likable thing now, compared to the other stuff in school like mock tests, exams, orals, teachers, lessons. I ought to be thankful for the opportunity to study. But, sometimes, (like now), I take it forgranted. I really got to take things one step at a time now.

Band later, I'll work on my solos, and tone (!!!!!)
Afternoon, I'll start to do my A Math homework, and maybe E Math as well. And perhaps, a little of history.
At night, I'll just sleep, and rest.

Tomorrow, church in the morning!!!
Tuition in the afternoon, somehow, I'm not looking forward to it as I usually do.
At night, I'll finish up on homework.


Well, that's how fast my weekends are going to past, within a blink of an eye. I better go off and make the best out of it before another horrible school week comes. And this week is going to be worst than the last one. English oral, A math test, chem SPA, and many more, yet to come.

I want to love you and treasure you, but I try so hard to.


Is this really me?
Sometimes, I just want to give up. Everything around me seems foggy, in a mist. I don't want to carry on life like this. I need a change. I need a break. I really hate school.

School, all you do is make me go crazy (!!!!)
School, sometimes all I want to do is to give you up.
School, why torture students and teachers?
School, I really hate you.
School, Please go away.

I wish, I wish with all my heart.
To fly with dragons.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I feel like just giving it all up.

Give me another way out, please?


The day before yesterday, the day was pretty alright. There was school in the morning, pretty normal. There was SPA trial yesterday as well. It wasn’t all that bad, I partnered Sarah, had quite a lot of fun and I also managed to get a good reading of 25.2. Then, band came. I’ve realised how horrible a person I’ve been, making the people around me feel inferior and everything. I ought to change for the better, shouldn’t I? But, how? I really don’t know what to do anymore. Whenever I think about it, it just keeps my brain going in circles, really. I can’t sleep, I can’t work, and I can’t do anything no more

Yesterday was so much better. Friends made me better again. Though I may not be showing it on the outside, it doesn’t really mean I really don’t feel anything. I seriously don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. Everything has become so confusing. I try my best, but why isn’t my best good enough? Sometimes, I feel really discouraged. I don’t know why. I’m glad to have such wonderful friends with me, everywhere, to make me feel like me again. School was alright started off with some council talk early in the morning. Well, now they have tie rental services and free umbrella services. Sometimes I really wonder why they do such stuff. I guess it’s for us, students yeah, so they’ll have to go that extra mile to get things done. Then, I got 5honor stamps and surprisingly no demerits the last semester, pretty amazing right? I’m amazed myself. I’m in the honor club which entitles me to free drinks at the library and the student lounge. (: I don’t think I’ll get them though. It opens on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, from 3 to 5.30. After assembly in the morning, it was history, followed by E maths then geog. Geography was free period because the teacher didn’t come to class. Sarah, Twinkle, Rachael and I went to sit at the benches near the toilet. I’ll not elaborate, but it was pretty fun, and extensive. After that was recess, we ran down, as usual, and got our laksa[s]! We played chop chilli, and duck duck goose in the middle of the parade square and many stared. Even teachers stopped to look, I’m glad we played. Then, we went back to class. Chinese was alright, our group won. I seriously didn’t expect it. 超人！We’re the coolest and the champions for the season. (: I was damn happy! After Chinese, was A Maths, pretty boring, followed by Physics. Teacher realized where my name was on my workbook, the whole thing was damn embarrassing. My name means a lot to me, okay. In the end, I wrote my name really huge across the front cover of the book.

Okay, today was %*#$&*#W. I don’t wish to elaborate. Everything happened really badly.

To cheer myself up, I sing this song. By Jewel, Good Day. (:

i say to myself
self, why are you awake again?
it's one a.m.
standing with the fridge door wide open, staring
such a sight, florescent light
the stars are bright
might make a wish, if i believed in that shit
as it is, i might watch tv
cause it's nice to see people more messed up than me
i say to myself, as i smile at the wall, let myself fall

it's gonna be all right, no matter what they say
it's gonna be a good day, just wait and see
it's gonna be okay, cause i'm okay with me
it's gonna be, it's gonna be, it's gotta be

i shiver, shut the door
can't think standing here no more
i'm alone, my mine's racing, heart breaking
can you be everything i need you to be?
can you protect me like a daughter?
can you love me like a father?
can you drink me like water?
say i'm like the desert, just hotter.
the point of it all
is that if i should fall
still you're name i'll call

it's gonna be all right, no matter what they say
it's gonna be a good day, just wait and see
it's gonna be okay, cause i'm okay with me
it's gonna be, it's gonna be

as long as we laugh out loud
laugh like we're mad
cause this crazy, mixed up beauty is all that we have
because what's love but an itch we can't scratch, a joke we can't catch
but still we laugh

i go back upstairs, turn off the tv
you say "i'll be okay baby, just wait and see."
it's gonna be all right, it's gonna be okay
gonna be a good day, just wait, just see
gonna okay, cause i'm okay with me
it's gonna be, it's gonna be, it's gonna be...

(: I'm going to be alright!


Okay, today was plain. Did quite abit of work. Slept quite abit as well. Other than that, today was pretty much alright. School's starting tomorrow, I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but I'm not going to dread it either. (: Cheer up michellina (!!!!) There's band tomorrow, that's something to be happy about. I love band, really. Life is going to change after today. I can sense it. It's going to be so much more exciting, in other words, hectic and busy. ): I guess I'll just have to adapt to it yeah. Another 9 more weeks of school before it's the september holidays! Ah, I can't wait for the next holiday to come, though the holidays just passed. School just gets me frustrated. Whenever I think of school, it just makes me go 'AN235U04NFDSJ!!!!!'. Why is school so undurable? If not for the wonderful friends and band, I don't think I'll ever get to school. I don't want to do homework, I don't want to see teachers. I don't want teachers to teach = more homework! Ah, I guess I don't have a choice, do I?

Responsibility of a Student = Work hard and excel in studies.

I wish I didn't have the money to study, life wouldn't be too bad. Okay, then again, I take that back. I don't want to live in worry of what tomorrow will bring. Why am I even worring now? The bible says, 'Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself.' I guess I'll have to leave this all to God. And take things as they come, enjoy each and every moment of life. I might never get to come back to the youthful times when I've grown older. I guess I've alot to thank God for. Thankyou.


Okay, today has been a pretty great day. I woke up at 5am, realised that I forgot to reply sms-es again. Replied, then went back to bed. Woke up at around 8plus to reply sms-es again. Finally got out of bed at around 9plus. Washed up, changed up, then ate breakfast before heading of to church. Church was pretty alright, we had combined classes again, no weird guys today though. There was another new guy[again], called donnald, I think. He was quiet yeah. Bubbles was being weird as usual, and for some stupid reason, he kept staring at me. Okay, many other guys were too. Maybe because I'm too pretty! (: Sunday school was alright, didn't really get what soon kuan was saying though. I thought the wise man verse really made sense. Charissa cut her hair again, okay, shave. She looked really, weird. I can't believe she's my female cousin. She would look extremely cute as a guy cousin, really.

After church, waited for second service to end before leaving for lunch, then tuition. Lunch was alright, apart from the fact that I spilt some sauce on my crumpler! ): I managed to clean it of in the end. Dad and Mum kept making me pass the vege from one end of the table to the other. Okay, they were showing concern and love for each other, can't blame them. It's alright. I'll send my crumpler for washing, tomorrow.

After lunch, was tuition. Tuition was the best. Bought my 'survival kit', according to michelle, glup, mashpotatoes, and frozz barley mints. 2 to 4 was alright, I sat in between of Clarence and Michelle. Okay, I kept changing seats, from beside Michelle to beside Clarence because Michelle was talking to herself, then back again. This cycle was repeated many times. Clarence showed me pictures which makes me really envious of mavis, truthfully. Mavis, treasure it. 4 to 6 tuition was really funny. I still can't believe that Clarence actually threw a more than half full packet of famous amos cookies away! It's super wasteful, really, and it costs alot too! Why don't the rich treasure what they have? I guess I'll have to work on it myself. I'm in no position to judge others now, I realised, from sunday school. Okay, back to the point, I was freezing during tuition, my fingers were really cold, don't ask me why. The aircon was turned up really high, or rather the temperature was set to really cold. Maybe because I'm not used to such cold temperatures on a Sunday afternoon being the fact that this is the first tuition session after a really long break. I realised how much I really need tuition. I sat at many different positions. I realised, the front seat is much warmer than the back. Johnathan said there are more light sources at the front, maybe he made sense. I don't know anything anymore.

One line can change a story, so sometimes let the line just be unsaid.